The Older You Get

Photo Memories: Little Sarah Al Hanifah

Central Jakarta, February 06, 2025

Little alsar

Looking in the mirror and I don't look the same. I think I'm aging well, there’s a reason that I'm thankful even though I've got more on my shoulders. I'm happier than 2 years ago cause to be honest, I just hope I can love myself.

Life's going good, but I wonder what's after cause my papa is moving slower and time's moving faster. I say the things I never said, “I think I’m going to be a father," it truly shook me because I'm a woman and sometimes I still cry out for my mama.

Sometimes the disease goes away and sometimes it doesn't, the pain is still the same, it's located on my left back. So now when my mama calls, I always pick up the phone.

The last,

The house I grew up in has now been sold in a box full of memories that's worth more than gold, all burning out like the cigarettes I usually light and alcohol. Maybe, now I don't need it again when I'm sweating through the sheets and shaking in bed because home was a place, but now home is a person. I wonder what it's like to be loved by her (my ideal) and I wish I knew you wanted me too. I swear, I'm sure my best day will come.

Guess that's what happens the older you get.

****

I'm getting older and nothing looks the same anymore. I hope there are no more a tiny dancer in my eyes watching over my 3 a.m, I hope there are no more battle symphony in my head round and around and around and around like sirens repeat. Say thanks to all my best friends that never give up on me and still love a sinners like me, I'm thankful. I'll be a billionaire, bitj!!!